its a mismatch

Goodbye

2008-11-20T09:50:00.000+08:00

To all my dearest readers,

My livejournal & other blogger blogs are still going to be around, but for the latest updates, they're no longer at these blogs (: that's because i've moved (once again). Do the necessary updates, and see you at my new blog (:

my new blog is: http://love-you-lately.blogspot.com/

God bless you all (:

changes rocks(:

2008-01-06T19:12:00.000+08:00

haha i love changes, don't you?
bye!

first time LOL

2008-01-04T18:42:00.001+08:00

Sheila and I got caught in the library today for drinking bubble tea.
Consequence: Warning letter
I wanted to post up the photos of the stupid warning letter.. but what the heck, it's over already. And the woman was super sarcastic to us, and I REALLY wanted to complain okay. I even took the feedback form lah. Don't like these kinda people. HMPH!

It's the FIRST time in my life I ever got caught for such ~~nonsense~~ stuff

But I'm too happy to sulk over this, as I manage to pass the week! LAECY done, CD done, GI done! I tell you, I'm super happy already, cause this week I seriously thought I would have broken down. Plus the IVP and stuff.

I'm just glad that the week's over. I'm not going to mention any unhappiness that I got this week from (i shall not put them here) as I am already relaxed and calmed down. I don't want any problem to arise.

But one sentence that I wanna say: It is really unfair to us.

I can't wait to play monopoly with my siblings later =D I miss monopoly already hahaha! But before that I wanna watch my Kinship II.

BYEBYE! =D

stressed lah

2008-01-03T10:24:00.000+08:00

for the next 2 months, i'm going to pray to God that i can survive.
for the next 2 months, i'm going to pray to God that i can maintain my GPA.
for the next 2 months, i'm going to need all the help i can get.

for the next 2 months, i know God will pull me through.

got my ivp jacket yesterday... & i can't deny that i am very happy...
i also can't deny that i'm freaking tired :(

2 projects down

2008-01-02T16:43:00.000+08:00

2 projects down in just 1 day ^^

I'm feeling pretty good about it, cause what's the point of sulking and thinking if i did well or not. I can't turn back time, and I have other things to do now. I have an essay due on Friday, and there's IVP too :\

Polytechnic education made me realise one thing...
I can do so much in a day.

2008

2008-01-01T18:02:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE :)
may the year ahead be a meaningful and well-spent one!

anyways, 2007 was an awesome year as i've learnt SO much from it.
some of the big, unforgettable moments include...

* Selection of ECH course: I actually gave up design for children, and I could get into a JC. Though I regret *at* times (design is still my passion), children is my passion too. Sometimes I must tell myself (firmly) that I chose this course, and no one else did. It's my responsibility.

* Matt's mum: She found out about us, and it was really nasty in the beginning. Ironically, things are way better now, and I hope that it'll be forever :)

* Life as a JC student: it was really great, but i thank God that i didn't stay on, as JC wasn't my type =P

* Doing pretty well for the 1st semester: It was God's will (: With all the motivation I can get, I'll not only do well for the many semesters to come, I'll also try my best to get a scholarship (:

* Floorball: I really didn't expect those many things to happen (positive and negative stuff). But one thing I know is that I'm really happy here now (: Cheers to Wyldkatz!

* ENBLOC: This thing tore my family apart. But I know one thing's for sure, we'll pull through (:

* First time doing office admin work and event management: Eye-opener and the bestest boss ever(:

* A unique xmas: Dinner with Matt's family (: What more can I say?

I hope that 2008 will be better, more positive, less quarrels, more peace, less anger, more confident, more committed etc.

that's all for now(:

love love love!

2007-12-30T20:07:00.000+08:00

suddenly i feel so confident.. so i shall say this,
next year, 2008...

I will come out of my shell a little bit more.

This is a resolution I AM going to keep(:
I'm sure I can, cause he'll be standing by me.

our 3rd year anniversary will come soon! ^^

the word with more
Japanese characters is my name!
the other one is Matthew's name!
it's one of my xmas present this year...
and i super duper love it! :D

& someone's much more sincere
& romantic this year...
love you honey ^^

God Provides

2007-12-27T10:07:00.000+08:00

Sigh, my entire throat is inflamed and my entire neck is so stiff, i promise i'm refraining from looking at my keyboard.

Yeah, this really sucks, and i remember i gotta do some more project stuff tmr, plus going down for floorball camp (which i have to miss day one due to this)

Thank you everyone for all your concern(:

I hope i'll be alright by Saturday, it's a very important day for me, matt and his family.

Damn, the medicine's really drowsy.

On a lighter note, i really like this email, sent to me by my aunt.

Santa VS Jesus

Santa lives at the North Pole...
Jesus is everywhere.

Santa rides in a sleigh...
Jesus rides on the wind and walks on the water.

Santa comes but once a year...
Jesus is an ever-present help.

Santa fills your stockings with goodies...
Jesus supplies all your needs.

Santa comes down your chimney uninvited...
Jesus stands at your door and knocks, and then enters your heart when invited.

You have to wait in line to see Santa...
Jesus is as close as the mention of His name.

Santa lets you sit on his lap...
Jesus lets you rest in His arms.

Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is "Hi little boy or girl, what's your name?"...
Jesus knew our name before we were born...
Not only does He know our name,
He knows our address too.
He knows our history and future and
He even knows how many hairs are on our heads.

Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly...
Jesus has a heart full of love

Santa says, "You better not cry"...
Jesus says, "Cast all your cares on me for I care for you."

Santa's little helpers make toys...
Jesus makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes, and builds mansions.

Santa may make you chuckle but...
Jesus gives you joy that is your strength.

While Santa puts gifts under your tree...
Jesus became our gift and died on a tree...

God loves us unconditionally (:
Have a great festive season ahead, everyone.

hmmm

2007-12-26T12:54:00.000+08:00

first thing first, merry xmas everyone (: yeah i know i'm 1 day late, but there's 12 days of xmas so... yah, i'm not officially late hohoho. well, turn out xmas this year's super different. both goods and bads to all that.

secondly, i'm sick & i just wish my grandma would care about me instead of yelling at me to do stuff. i need sleep, not want sleep.

lastly, why must school give only 2 weeks of holidays in December :( why can't they extend it. it's so unfair for those who celebrate xmas, or those that wanna go overseas with family.

and my vision is so blur :(
char is giddy and tired

wasted

2007-12-21T23:31:00.000+08:00

FIRSTLY
i shall not show concern for people who don't appreciate my concern, ANYMORE. i can't be bothered, ANYMORE.

SECONDLY
my family doesn't care about me, so i won't care too. to hell with ALL the presents i bought this year, i fucking wanna throw them ALL AWAY. the money i WORKED so hard for, spent on you people, and now what, treat me like that. all coming up with nonsensical nonsense to shoot me. fine, shoot me for all i care, i'll be out of this house before you all know it.

THIRDLY
i know that i am not the perfect little granddaughter/daughter/friend/teammate/sister etc. but at least i try to keep up to everyone's standards... you're not the only person in my life, so stop trying to make things difficult for me.

LASTLY
i don't need anyone's pity. maybe my life's just meant to be this way.

my solo part... gone
my place in the team... is shaky
my life... seems meaningless...

so confused

2007-12-20T11:41:00.001+08:00

I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE.
I hate having to commit to something & then something as important surfaces. Yes, it's caroling vs Floorball friendly match against NTU. I was notified about the friendly only last night, and simultaneously, I was told to sing a solo part for the caroling thing. MEETING TIME = SAME, CAROLLING TIME = MATCH TIME.

I'm so disappointed.. I can't please both sides, and I can't please myself too. & it's so hard to talk to someone about it... sigh

crappy

2007-12-19T09:17:00.000+08:00

there are somethings i just don't understand about people. are they doing this because they really want you to be there, or is it just out of formality that they do so. sadly, your intentions ain't clear, so i don't know what is true.

i hope i get to watch enchanted today. i don't want to be an emo kid for another day, tired of that already. yesterday didn't go well either, as in really didn't go well, i just didn't say much. i walked out of the room, but then, i didn't say anything. only one knew. couldn't the rest see it? i have my limits, don't push me too far please. on the bright side, at these there was one other who cared, and still care about the project work.

i should learn to show dissatisfaction, i should learn to show that i am unhappy. but then again, that's not who i am. besides, its the Christmas period, plus i just went for penitential (aka confession), so ya, i should try and be miss nice WITH limits.

a dream is a wish your heart makes
so random, but i still love that line from Cinderella (:

blog later! :D

i am so not alright

2007-12-18T22:20:00.000+08:00

sigh, i really don't know what i am thinking right now...
i really think that xmas this year is going to be very different.
& i don't know if that is a good or bad thing.
sigh. i wish i could look into the future... and see how life's like later.

actually, my mind is very blank so ya...
it really sucks.
haven't felt like this in a long time.

rain outside my window

2007-12-16T23:12:00.001+08:00

HE'S COMING BACK TOMORROW (:
Thank you Clare for accompanying me to the airport.
I can't believe it.. one week has passed so fast...

One week of sadness, pain, happiness & confusion
( I can't deny that I've had happy times)

Very soon... you'll be back.. and very soon..
We can be in each other's arms again :)

This is going to be a super packed "holiday"
& This year's xmas' definitely going to be different.
I'll just hafta sit back, relax, and see what God has got in store for me

& 2007's coming to an end....
I'm turning 18 soon. Good/Bad?
Damn i really don't know..
I'll just face the challenges ahead!

FLOORBALL RESUMES THURSDAY! (:

somebody save me

2007-12-12T08:19:00.000+08:00

im so screwed lah. projects are really killing me. i only had 2 hours of sleep... to rush the group report. no, i'm not complaining that people aren't doing their work. but there was this freaking last minute change in the assignment criteria.

fuck lah, you think we polytechnic students are robots is it? tell us it's a REPORT not a REFLECTION (you even stressed on its differences in tutorial), and then you suddenly say we must link to theories & stuff like that. seriously, if i had e chance, i'll rly blow up at yr damn thick face. still dare to say "Aiyah, two projects to hand in this week only what". DOING projects & PLANNING criterias are 2 different things ok.

sigh, and one thing i couldn't stand last night was something related to prioritizing one's schedule. ok, to a certain extent, boyfriend comes before a lot of things. but not for projects. hope you grow up soon...

heart

2007-12-09T21:41:00.000+08:00

to girlfren: baby, i noe u'll miss me as much as i miss u, but rmb, anything just msg me, i'll do whatever i can, and plus, u got a bunch of lovely frens around u to be there for u, and not fogetting ur sis and bro... tkcare alright, pls? =) and get well soon... i'll see whats nice in japan and dun wry, i'll always haf u in mind... one week will come by very fast and before u noe it, its over. i would rly miss u yea? tkcare! love u very much!

I'll stare at this everyday of the upcoming week whenever I can... boyfriend, i love you :) come back soon okay. then we can watch Enchanted together, and you can come down to NP to pick me up from school after work...

and unless someone sends me the song, i'll go to his blog everyday (more than once) too. for this song...

The Heart Never Lies (McFly)

the lyrics are on the RIGHT.. and here are some of my fav lines

If you wanna fight,
I'll stand right beside you,
The day that you fall,
I'll be right behind you,
To pick up the pieces,

It's not always easy,
But I'm here forever,

OMG I JUST GOT THE SONG. THANKS JEREMY (:

Baby, I'll miss you ):

stalker

2007-12-06T22:59:00.000+08:00

hey stalker.. he's mine, so stop following him (: thank you.

today was a mixture of emotions. i'm just glad things improved.
im hoping that tmr will be better ;( don't want any problems...
and i'll miss him when he's in Japan :(

oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUIAN!

stuff

2007-12-05T22:52:00.000+08:00

I like this bulletin I saw on Friendster. Think it's pretty cute & stuff. But it doesn't apply to all girls. Some don't so ya.. I just think it's.. kinda true here & there.

UPDATE: I cut most, cause I felt that they're really.. eek. lol so not me.

45 things that girls want; they just don't say it

1. Touch her waist.
2. Actually talk to her.
3. Share secrets with her.
4. Give her your jacket.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Invite her somewhere.
10. Hangout with her and your friends together.
22. Tell her she's your everything - only if you mean it
WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE
AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US
26-don't lie to HER.*
27-DON'T cheat on her.*
29-txt messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at work {or school}, and how much you MISS her.
30-be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can ALWAYS count on you.
35. Dont EVER tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad.
41. Call or text her at night to wish her SWEET DREAMS*

you will never know when she needs
just a lil more love .

& yes, i really am hurt. i really am ):

kiss me goodbye

2007-12-04T22:01:00.000+08:00

DECEMBER IS SUPPOSE TO BE FUN, FUN, FUN.
BUT NOW; IN POLY... DECEMBER IS

HELL
HELL
HELL

:(

It's so saddening now,
cause it's nearing christmas,
but I ain't in the mood for any celebration :(

All I want for Christmas is you!

2007-12-03T23:37:00.001+08:00

The day didn't go well for Charmaine :(
It was boring, dull, stressful, tiring...
plus I'm sick,
and the medicine doesn't help at all.
I thought I would be alright
by the time the medication's over..
but it's still here.. and im still coughing.

Uni has 3 weeks of holidays, we've got 2.
This is too stressful, so unfair.
Screwed :(

the long awaited..

2007-12-02T21:49:00.000+08:00

I finally managed to put up my new layout^^ Haven't had the time to actually relax, so I spent time finalizing it. So yup, HEROES! For those who haven't watched it, go grab it now!

Spent the entire Saturday preparing for the English dialogue test. I tell you, I can die sitting in front of the laptop for so long. The topics are pretty interesting, but some are rather challenging. Hope that Jamie's and my efforts will pay off. Sometimes, I wish I have Common Tests (CTs). CTs = lesser project weightage! Too many projects already, the datelines are all so near. Like seriously damn near lahh. And this semester, we only have 1 paper.

Pros of that: Can find a job earlier. Cons: The other subjects are all project based.. isn't a very good thing :(

I'm suppose to be doing FP project now, but I'm so tired. Really tired... and I'm worried that I can't remember how the play observation went because my observation's scribbled on my notebook.

Die lah Charmaine, you're so dead :\

Went to Astons with family for lunch today after church. Like FINALLY lah. And for the first time, my mother said that western food was nice! I feel so proud of myself :) hehehe. Had dinner with my extended family :) the 13 of us... so fun so fun.

And tsy shouldn't be emo now :(: bleagh

Oh, I almost forgot to add.. Just now before church began, my sis and I were at the church foyer drinking & eating... and I realize something. I never demanded a lot, and even though I don't get a lot of _____ for _____ by _____ (i'm not going to say)... I never kicked a fuss. Is it because I'm just too nice, or is it because I closed one eye? Time will tell I guess..

why can't i?

2007-11-30T23:30:00.000+08:00

im suppose to be sleeping, but i can't. well i guess too many things have been happening till my brain is still thinking when im sleeping hence being so tired during the day PLUS falling sick. i hate falling sick. i used to like it cause i could take MC and skip school. but that was in secondary school. now in poly, i just want to get things done, and done well. it's so stressful lah. so many assignments, one after another, and once you fall sick, that's it.. you're dead. like me lah, i cannot even concentrate.

i wish i had the ability to stop time.
slow it down also can...
i just need time..

but even when i'm feeling like this, so down and all. i still feel loved.. which is really smth i'm v thankful of! phew.

there are just so many things that i want to blog about, but i'm just too mentally tired till i just get stuck. that usually doesnt happen when i want to blog :( pouts...

i just hope i enjoy xmas! :)

the day has come -.-

2007-11-28T00:03:00.000+08:00

everyone's moving to LJ, so i'm not moving to LJ :D
i'm suppose to be sleeping, so i'm going to sleep after creating this post.
i'm having 1 test & 1 presentation tmr, so i'm going to do my best tomorrow.

on monday we received the assignment DEADline chart.
damn the stress :( i don't like this!

MOVED

2007-11-26T13:07:00.000+08:00

everything's moved over already.. and 1 week has passed. honestly, i feel like i'm just on a long term holiday. but facing up to reality; i won't be going back to my HOME anymore. yup, honestly, the current place im staying in.. it's more like a house. yup, serious.

i just hope my grandma gets used to it. really..
*sighs*

i love you :)

MOVING

2007-11-19T21:02:00.000+08:00

I'm moving out tomorrow. Internet connection's going to be cut off real soon. Most of the stuff are already @ grandaunt's. Honestly, I just hope that things will go smoothly. I'm really very worried. For everyone, everything I own. I'm most worried about grandma :(

I'll hafta go for Floorball training tomorrow... I just hope my grandmother/parents don't mind :( It's so... messed up. Every thing's just... messed up. I need to please both sides, but I just can't. I know my chances of staying in the team for IVP's going to be tough. I'm not surprise if I'm not in. I really am so confused. I've just been having so many stuff to do recently, I got to let one side down every time I make a freaking decision.

I'm feeling so confused, and every thing's so fucked up :(

time to move out

2007-11-18T22:25:00.000+08:00

moved so many things out of the house today. and i had no choice but to skip floorball training. you know.. I always fear that I'll get kicked out of the main team cause I can't go for quite a few trainings this semester. but what can I do? It's my family, and family is more important than my education/cca and all. you can't deny that... even if you're a very committed member. sometimes, i do feel ______ when I go for trainings cause I miss quite a couple of trainings.

WHATEVER. I'll try not to stay negative...
God WILL take me through...

TMR!

2007-11-15T16:36:00.000+08:00

my uncle;aunt;cousins;maid are moving out TOMORROW :(
i can't believe this. ROARRR

nice cars; bad cramps

2007-11-10T23:27:00.000+08:00

had super bad cramps & mood swings today. yet i went for SIN @ Expo today. for those who don't know, thats a motor show. you must be thinking that i'm crazy, walking around so much, taking photos, drinking coke.. and tolerating the cramps & the giddiness it brings. PLUS having terrible mood swings which practically screwed my day.

but well, i guess it was worth it although things didn't really go well in the end, i did have some fun moments which i'll definitely treasure.

went to LJS @ Simei with Matt for a drink before heading home... and the cramps' still so bad :(

to boyfriend:

for tolerating my nonsense whenever i throw them at you.. thank you
for being here for me despite me telling you countless times that u will never understand... thank you
for not walking away from me when i aint myself.. thank you
for simply lending me a shoulder to lean on. it gives me the support that i need to pull through.. thank you
for those big hugs. they give me the warmth that i need to stand strong.. thank you
lastly.. for simply loving me.. you never know how great the impact of this is on my life.. thank you

i'm fortunate

2007-11-07T09:50:00.000+08:00

after hearing about my friend & how her boyfriend doesn't make much time for her, i honestly think i'm lucky, fortunate & blessed (:

haven't been blogging, been just plain lazy to do so. usually, I'll have the urge to blog once I come home from school.. but it's different now. just a random thought, maybe I'm just too lazy & tired :(

in speech training (basic) class now, and Sheila says my voice sounds like a baby's. damn, i think it's proven. blaaah :(

anyways, congrats to Sharanya :) take care girl!

i need my "motivation to study" back. roarrr!

i think..

2007-10-31T22:08:00.001+08:00

as the days go by, i think that my timetable really sucks. i go to school for 2-4 hours everyday, then go home. the longest days are mon frm 8-4.. but wed;thurs;fri it's from 9 to like 11/12/1? it's so dumb lah.. i stay at bedok, and the traveling time is more than the time spent in school!

and i can't go for trg tmr cause i gotta go to church.. day of obligation. means, i MUST GO. honestly, i hope that some people won't think i'm slacking, cause really, i really CANNOT make it.. not that i DON'T WANT to make it. ohmy, that means i'm going to miss out on the 'pro'/pro goalkeepers that are coming tmr :(

oh and one more thing, this guy banged into me during drills yesterday, and i ALMOST flew. well, considering the fact that he was running at 2.5times the speed of me and not looking where he was going.. so yah. it hurts a lot.. damn... VERY PAINFUL!!! and my whole body aches :(

i don't feel like going to school tomorrow :( where's that motivation!! ahhh

and please don't lie; don't promise something you can't keep; it hurts
charmaine is sad :(

i need someone to hold me

2007-10-29T19:33:00.000+08:00

UPDATE: FP PRAC RESUMES TMR!
& that is smth that Charmaine's
looking forward to.
FINALLY! something!
:)

this was the worse start for any week since i began schooling at NP. i just felt so lazy to do ANYTHING. at this rate i'm going, i'm probably going to do so badly i can't make it to year 2. i honestly don't know what is REALLY bothering me. is it cause i'm moving house? or.. i'm not in the mood to study? or.. i'm just tired of everything? or... -fill in the blanks- ! i can't even come up with more than 5 reasons..

i don't even feel like eating dinner..
maybe i shld sleep now... clear my mind..

& hope for a better tomorrow.

long days

2007-10-25T21:24:00.000+08:00

the past 2 weeks of school hasn't been something very fun. it ain't like last semester & i can't say much cause now they have this whole *np blogging policy* oh well. i'm going to school for 2 hours tomorrow, just like i did today. PLUS, it starts at 9am. s.t.u.p.i.d. and that reminds me, i got to bring my markers tmr.

i need to get the whole "charmaine is hyped about ECH & she will maintain her GPA" enthusiasm back. MUST MAINTAIN i don't care who the lecturers are, whether they're ---- or not towards other classes. charmaine needs to get her fighting spirit up again. plus.. i needs to get back her determination for floorball again :( cause it seems like all hope is lost... =(

and i just created a FACEBOOK account so... add me okay? (: the email's not my MSN's! It's charmaine.tsy@gmail.com.. so.. keep adding & lets have vampire/zombie/slayer fights okie. ohh, and race with me too! i want a better car :(

and i miss him :(

damn tired

2007-10-24T09:12:00.000+08:00

i'm very sleepy :(
i haven't had enough rest since i don't know when :(
& i found out the reason for being "like this" recently...
but i won't tell anyone anyhow(:

damn my eyes are super painful...
and i don't dare to put eyedrop!
sobs

sunshine?

2007-10-21T18:21:00.000+08:00

to those who tagged, thank you! (: first thing first, i'm not depressed. i don't know if i even am. i just went all blank, crazy and... yah i think that's about it. it's been a long time since i felt that way. life is scary =\

i will stand up again. i'll stay strong.. definitely(:

i think there's smth wrong with me

2007-10-20T12:19:00.000+08:00

i think that there's something wrong with me :( as in seriously, something really wrong with me. my emotions are unstable, and everything others do that im not happy with, the anger really builds up in me. then when i don't see the people, i don't calm down like i always do. instead, i'll start to get upset, and wonder why this happened, why that happened etc.

and this morning, it became worse. i wasn't upset, instead i became blanked. usually when i wake up, i'll at least have something on my mind. at least i'll be thinking of what i'll be doing for the day and stuff. but suddenly, i've no more motive. all the strength drained.

am i suffering from something? maybe i am. and i know that i shouldn't hide everything inside me. but the thing is, now my mind is so blank i don't even know what caused all this. this is crazy, damn insane. i feel like locking myself away...

this is depressing:(

i got nothing to do

2007-10-17T08:24:00.001+08:00

im okay about monday alr. im just rly happy tt my family did care afterall :D and i have great friends & seniors too.

my father insisted that he drop me off in NP @ 8am when my class starts at 9. It's rly damn stupid and now im stuck in the library -.-

modules this sem are sucha bore.. so so dry :( and the timetable sucks. the only module im looking forward to is ms chong's. you know, the other teachers have one thing in common?

THEY LIKE TO LAUGH TO THEMSELVES.
-.-

saddening

2007-10-15T23:58:00.000+08:00

Today, I owe Juian a big thank you. Seriously, thanks for the hugs, the comforting words, those encouraging words you told me. Thank you Alina for being there too(: & thanks Stella for being concerned. Well, at least she asked if I was okay before I left.

Well, my family came. We live @ Bedok, and they traveled all the way to RP. They did come.. and I was damn touched. but i didn't get to play. In the end, they went home.. cause they're busy too. Even my brother came.. sigh.

I'm not pissed that I didn't get to play. I was really very upset. I didn't expect it to turn out this way. You know, maybe i'll play on Wed, Fri, next Mon, next Wed.. but then again.. the feeling's already different :(

To the ones I love, thank you.
You guys really touched my heart by being there for me.
This also made me see how much my family actually cares for/support me.

& I don't blame/hate anyone.

school.

2007-10-14T18:50:00.000+08:00

school starts tomorrow...
polite is tomorrow...
and it's already been 26 months ("V")
& charmaine realises how fast time flies.

(: Thank you Lord for everything!

camps 0.0

2007-10-12T20:56:00.000+08:00

i'm back frm my 3D2N camp. honestly.. it wasn't successful. but then again, people do put in effort & try.. so i guess it was a pass lah.

charmaine loves grp 4(:

& these are some of my great fellow ECH campersss (the best picture that i have that was taken during camp to be honest)

sheila;charmaine;zarra;kim;hui ting

i'm damn tired, and i'm just updating for the sake of updating.

byebye(:

rahh

2007-10-09T23:51:00.000+08:00

lost to NUS :( oh well, gotta buck up! today was quite horrible.. didn't expect that to happen. it was the first time i'm playing with that line afterall, how you expect me to know how you guys move. whatever. we managed to counter attk, and we managed to defend, so i don't see why that had to happen. aiyah nvm, i'm talking in riddles & i know i always dont make sense when i do so.

on the bright side.. got our jersey today(:

camp starts tmr. school starts on monday. polite starts on monday. suddenly i wish time would stop.

photos

2007-10-08T10:19:00.000+08:00

yesterday's photos.. not much. was just trying out my new phone.

charmaine&yin ling = line mates!

great friends from fball(:

that's about all. LOL. i think i'm the laziest "cam-whore" ever(: i didnt even tk a single photo on the long journey to CCK, at pizza hut, and on the way home. -.- damn

finally

2007-10-07T22:09:00.000+08:00

We finally won a friendly match (: Thank God for miracles. Butbut, one shan't be too complacent, we've just got too much to do.

Almost got -killed- by my parents today cause I went out for a SUPER LONG&LATE lunch. It's not because of the duration. It's partly the destination & the fact that I had to be in church, non-stinky & wearing jeans/skirt not FBTs.

But CreativeChar managed to get out of the situation! YAY(:

Helping my sis with Phys tmr & Matt with Chem! At least my mind ain't dead during the holidays! 1 week more to school's reopening, and the same for POL-ITE.

are you ready to rumble? -.-

BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY

2007-10-05T20:28:00.000+08:00

SUDDENLY, CAPS ROCKS. well to be honest, I'm in a very foul mood right now. Hohoho everything I do, she'll be unhappy. SINCE I ENTERED SHSS TILL TODAY. OH MANN SHE ROCKS MY SOCKS.

well i just hope she will be happy :(

DISGUSTED

2007-10-05T11:47:00.000+08:00

There's this particular blog that I love to read for entertainment sake. Ironically, it makes me feel disgusted at the same time.

Life goes 'smoothly' for some people (like that particular blogger) because they choose to run away from the crowd. Hiding behind a wall demanding for a secret password like "open sesame" doesn't help one bit. No one can hold a fortress for long. In the end, people either counter attack or you break down inside. (Don't know why I suddenly say this)

There wasn't a friendly yesterday. Kinda expected. It's funny.. when NP goes there, we play. If we invite them, they don't play. Trained as usual.. coach came up with another guideline. Last night was a disappointment.. a huge huge huge disappointment. But then again, I won't want to cause an uproar over a tiny thing. They're still my friends afterall. Well, most of them.

And everytime I hear those lines, it hurts me deep down inside once again. Some will never understand. In fact, what they say to 'comfort' me, makes things even worse.

suddenly

2007-10-03T14:40:00.000+08:00

suddenly i feel so sick, like everything's sucking the life out of me. i just feel like sleeping, sleeping, sleeping. but then again, the horrifying sounds of naggings makes me unable to do so. i want to go out, but go where? everyone's busy working. when i'm free they're not, and vice versa.

why did i stop work so early? zzz

are we really, seriously ready for tmr?

fuck i'm really damn lethargic & i think i've written
enough

lalalala

2007-10-01T19:22:00.000+08:00

his mother is so weird =\ she called her entire phone list of his friends just because he was 'missing' for a few hours. gosh, he's out studying, and she is panicking already. mothers, don't be overprotective. your children needs space too.

it's hella hilarious cause she thinks he's out fighting. lol

anyway, i hope that the hms leadership camp will be alright(: it'll be from the 10th-12th of October! 4 ppl from 1A01 only :( but at least there's a chance to make new friends(: ohmyohmy school's starting soon!

i feel better

2007-09-26T20:24:00.000+08:00

thank you boyfriend for everything (: if it wasn't for you, i would not have cheered up by any bit. though i'm still very disappointed & totally shocked, at least i know that he's here for me.

embarrassing

2007-09-25T23:43:00.000+08:00

Attendance is a factor in getting a place in the team? Commitment too?

bullshit.
this whole thing is just plain bullshit

"Reserve" is just a nicer word for "You're not needed"

"Oh you're from choir? Then why the sudden change to sports?" Honestly, i never believed that choir people was only meant for singing, i thought i could prove this statement and support it.

i guess i was wrong

maybe i should just give up. maybe i should just leave.
& stop trying to console me, especially people who got in. it won't ever work

there's still IVP.
yeah right.

oreo cheesecake

2007-09-23T21:34:00.000+08:00

just celebrated my cousin's birthday. it's like every birthday celebration within the family makes me remember that it'll be the last few here @ this house *sulks* anyway, woke up with a terrible stomach pain. it's been sucha long time since it happened, and i cannot believe that the last time i had it, it'd been quite awhile. i remember the past, when some people doubted it. can't be bothered with them anymore.. you guys ain't worth my brain space.

cleared things up with him :) that's the best thing that ever happened since yesterday.

SP's starting school tomorrow, thus Jeremy can't maple anymore. Damn, i'm going to be an inch lonelier zzz. but then again, work doesn't allow me to play maple frequently. but nevermind, i got other benefits (: such as meeting 2 great bosses, listening to all sorts of funny excuses that residents can offer.. & even managing lotsa money (for the condo, not for my own pocket -.- it's still a good experience though).

15 Oct's coming, which means
- school's starting soon - gonna see teachers/lecturers
- meeting 1A01 again! (: - POLITE's approac hing

when im nt around, the stars help me to tell you that i love you
when im nt around, the wind that blows pass your ears help me tell you that i miss you
when im nt around, the sun's warmth represents the hugs that i wanna give you
when im nt around, and the rain is pouring, know that i'm lonely, and i need you
iloveyou[:

sucky

2007-09-22T10:42:00.001+08:00

the mid autumn event @ the condo i'm working at was a success(: thanks to my great colleagues, bosses & the council chairman. it was really unexpected, as there were so many last minute changes. tnight was by far the most tiring day @ work, yet the most memorable.

the best thing i saw today was the smiles on the children's faces when they received the goodie bags. sometimes, i just wish i was a kid again (:

[11:31pm]

last night was horrible & now i've got red swollen puffy eyes. how to bring the children around the condo for the lantern procession tnight in this state. i'm not entirely at fault & i'm willing to let it pass, are you?

it rly struck me on how hard it is to give & take in any circumstance.. but if you truely love & respect the person, i guess that's possible.

and anger really kills or damages a relationship.

& now i'm moving on.
i'll face the days as it comes along.
charmaine hopes for better days ahead..
with you

Dearest hamsters

2007-09-17T09:40:00.000+08:00

this morning, when my brother woke me up, i was reluctant. no, don't get me wrong, it's not because of work. i was just damn tired. but when he passed me that very message, i jumped out of my bed & ran downstairs. 2 of my hamsters (the injured ones) have escaped frm the cardboard boxes (placed inside a plastic box as they ever escaped by chewing the cardboard boxes). the other 4 remained sleeping in their cages.

missing, just like that. i wanted to get them a cage each, so they won't fight, and enjoy life. but i could only do so after i got my pay (which won't be here just yet). couldn't they just wait patiently? okay, i know that no one would want to stay inside a box, except Jack-in-the-Box (courtesy of Matthew). but.. it won't take that long, wouldn't it? just awhile more, and they had to get out.

the cardboard box was super big, and tall. i don't know how they got out. i respect them, really. but i never ill-treated them. in fact, by taking them out, they wouldn't get hurt any further. it really hurts to loose them, and i don't know what to say now. i'm at work, and i'm trying to put on a happy face. i shouldn't loose focus in my work, that's profession.

do hamsters understand time? well, i just hope they come back.. somehow :(

new layout

2007-09-17T01:05:00.000+08:00

tadah. new layout. i like the robot. very innovative.

i've decided not to put any links. i'm just too lazy. so if you want me to know abt your blog's change in url & stuff, just tag my board (which seems dead & i'm so tempted to put it down). please lah, everyone says it's easier to tag than leave a comment, now no one tags. don't make me roar zzzz.

i'm so sleepy. i should be sleeping by now.

2007-09-10T21:28:00.000+08:00

I Love Matthew Wee (:
FYI, he made me type this

Haha, it seems like things change overnight. I got a job & I'm starting work tomorrow! & the scary thing is, I prayed real hard at church yesterday! I guess God takes sometime to hear all our needs eh? :) I love God!

Had a very interesting conversation with a taxi driver today & he made me laugh so much! He asked me why Matthew didn't send me back & the conversation got super funny & all. He told me that villans are better roles than heroes, cause they get the ladies first -.- then he asked me where my block was and i said it was right infront of him, and he said "of course i know, i'm not blind you know. the block number's so big!'

this is an example of an insane yet interactive taxi driver which just brightens up anyone's day :D

Charmaine is going to work tmr!
& She'll not miss training for the world (:

1/2 awake

2007-09-10T00:23:00.000+08:00

im half awake and freaking tired. movie marathon with floorball team on fri-sat. thanks matt for the jacket. it really made my evening warmer & more comfortable (:

today's training was fulfilling but damn tiring (i'm like damn freaking tired). i just wish more people would turn up consistently. not only for friendlies.. at least try to make it. if you keep on going, i believe the passion will stay, or even better, build up.

but damn, i so need to train harder (and smarter)

roar. too tired already. bye

2007-09-06T11:20:00.000+08:00

And I wasn't there when you were happy
I wasn't there when you were down
I didn't mean to miss your birthday, baby
I wish I'd seen you blow those candles out

old song, but what the heck i still love it (:
happy birthday jes, at least i didn't miss your birthday!

meeting matt later before heading down to novena
to celebrate jes' birthday with the rest!
match tonight.. hopefully we don't get thrashed zzz.
movie marathon tmr night till saturday afternoon...

is there hope?

2007-09-02T21:24:00.001+08:00

(*)__||.+*""*+. Char.+*""*+.||__(*) says:
nursing was one of my choice
zac . hottie says:
realli
zac . hottie says:
im shocked
(*)__||.+*""*+. Char.+*""*+.||__(*) says:
-.-
(*)__||.+*""*+. Char.+*""*+.||__(*) says:
okay

(xx)__||.+*""*+. Matt.+*""*+.||__(xx) { speak to me, tell me whats in ur heart } seven hundred and fifty-one days later says:
hahaha
(xx)__||.+*""*+. Matt.+*""*+.||__(xx) { speak to me, tell me whats in ur heart } seven hundred and fifty-one days later says:
well
(xx)__||.+*""*+. Matt.+*""*+.||__(xx) { speak to me, tell me whats in ur heart } seven hundred and fifty-one days later says:
i cant really imagine u in nurse uniform
(*)__||.+*""*+. Char.+*""*+.||__(*) says:
:(

it's really that shocking ar! oh well :(
u mean no one can imagine Char as a nurse?
nursing was one of my choices u know!
i enjoy working with people,
but i love working with children (: hehe

feeling much better now, thanks matt(:
i want to work by Tues!!!
and lastly.. here are some pictures...

the remains of sharon's oreo cheesecake & charmaine's chocolate truffle cake... didnt manage to capture dad n mum's blueberry cheesecake :( anyway, the cakes at white dog cafe (@ Vivo) are damn nice okay! white dog cafe is the best place for a budget date. LOL! around 20 bucks for a good set lunch meal and a cake (:

and this is my horrible substitute :(
my brother brought my V3x to China!

Starhub's waiting area at the COMEX fair @ Suntec.
The waiting period was just too long :(

should I sleep early today?

blogblog

2007-08-31T20:25:00.001+08:00

i haven't taken time to blog out all my frustrations in a long long time. although i miss it, a part of me always fears the after effects of it all. making people think that i'm okay, and i'm alright all the time isn't good, but then again, if i really tell them what i think, what if it becomes like last time once again?

i stil don't dare to type what i'm feeling, so thank God for the greatest friends & boyfriend around.

rats

2007-08-31T18:55:00.001+08:00

i fell in love with this show today.

today's teacher's day. and i realise smth, the concerts in SHSS are getting from bad to worse. i mean no offence... but isn't it time to be more creative, and they should showcase talents instead of only initiative?

spoke to some of the teachers.. they still look & sound the same.. scary stuff. but honestly, i do miss secondary school life. in fact, looking back, maybe i should have treasured it even more.

i guess it's time to move on, and treasure every single moment more so i won't regret it the next time.

shall blog another time, not exactly in the mood to do so. cya.

dont say that

2007-08-30T14:41:00.000+08:00

i hate it when people say 'i'm so dumb' and 'i'm so stupid'
just like my brother. he always does that.
(and there he goes again)

why say that when you don't focus when you hafta?
playing at the right time, relaxing at the right time makes everyone happy.
seriously, look around carefully...
no one is asking you to be a nerd.. in fact, i don't even want a nerdy brother.

are you really dumb.. or are you just lazy?
and i'm not only referring to him.

smile like you mean it

2007-08-29T02:39:00.000+08:00

i love the rain in the afternoon yst.. i really did. the weather was just awesome! wind blowing, super cooling and all! i don't know why i'm awake, i should be sleeping already!

okay that was DAMN random -.-

should be sleeping at 2.45am... guess i'm going to end up sleeping till 11am & get loadsa scolding from everyone for being late/blur/and the list goes on :x this is officially terrible! -roarrrr-

and shit, i can't believe i'm playing online games now!

and i can't wait for
- thurs: floorball prac resumes!
- fri: going back to shss(:
- fri: i want to go out with matthew cause i miss him!

maybe I should get back to designing blogskins again. afterall, my online game's going to have a patch till 12noon (which will drag definitely). maybe doing 5 skins wld do the trick!

or playing sims2....hehe

boring day

2007-08-28T18:36:00.000+08:00

today was a super boring day. watched transformers again, slacked at home like a super lazy pig. even my grandmother's wondering why i'm this free now. actually, i'm not lazy you know, i just have nothing to do!

damn, this really sucks. i really want to start work now... but sheila has not gotten a reply from the people at the childcare. sigh!

and i just realise (at 4pm) that there's floorball today!

i miss matt (:

i bleed it out

2007-08-26T23:00:00.000+08:00

godbrothers came over today for grandmother's birthday celebration. it was great seeing them. sadly, pierre's sep. anxiety's taking over, so it's harder to play with him already :( esp. cause i haven't seen him in a long while (they rarely come and that's like damn sad)

chao cute right (:

so anyway, quite a lot happened the past few days, but i'm so lazy to blog about it. campus superstar results was quite shocking.. parents bought a digi cam for my siblings & i.. and many more stuff, some positive, some negative..

i really honestly don't wanna move out of waterfront view :(

i want i want

2007-08-21T11:59:00.000+08:00

waking up at 11am in the morning..
damn, this is like a reenactment of the "after O-Levels" syndrome.
let's just hope that slacking will only be for the next 2 weeks.
apparently, i should be starting work in Sept, provided all goes well.

so much output, so little input...
of money!

i also better pray that i don't become fat :(
cause sitting at home to 'recuperate' for 2 weeks isn't exactly a wise thing to do.

lets just hope that floorball comes back soon (:

over

2007-08-20T20:18:00.000+08:00

the exams are over. well, everyone knows that the ppcm exam paper sucked like crap. if you're those rly smart ass type don't bother telling me that it was chicken feet.

but whatever, the papers are over, i prayed, i did everything i could. and now i can't change anything about it. gotta wait till 14th Sept to see if i can get a 3.5 GPA score. in other words, i'll leave it to God!

if i do get the 3.5 then charmaine's gotta work even harder cause she knows God's going to pull her through the bad&rough times (which is going to be the shit hard tough part - sem1.2, the horrible and dreadful sem2.1, 2.2 and the list goes all the way down to wheelock? hope so), and rejoice together with the good.. and she'll get a 4.0GPA.

damn, maybe i'm too ambitious...
but what the heck. it never hurts to dream (:
enjoy the holiday 1A01! will see you girls (n guy) soon!

& char wanna work 6/hr!

tagged

2007-08-19T16:13:00.000+08:00

I'm answering these questions before I finally chiong for my PPCM :) Oh and for those I tagged, try to answer the questions okay? :)

List out the top 5 presents you wish for ...
- A new house that my dad owns.
- A new handphone!
- A purple or green or orange floorball stick :)
- More smooth sailing moments for everyone :)
- I want that 'A' grade back!!

Answer the following questions ...
The person who tagged you is : Juian
Your relationship with her is : Floorball buddy
Your 5 impressions of her : Crazy, Bubbly, Sincere, Caring & Hilarious
The most memorable thing she done for you : Just simply going for floorball together says a lot! :D
The most memorable words she had said to you : "my LITTLE floorball friend" -.-
If he/ she becomes your lover, you will : Wont happen!
If he/ she becomes your lover, things he/ she has to improve on will be : N/A
If he/ she becomes your enemy, you will : that won't happen :)
If he/ she becomes your enemy, the reason will be : n/a
The most desired thing you want to do for him/ her now is : to pray that she will do well in everything she does :)
Your overall impression of him/ her is : Caring
How do you think people around you will feel about you? : lols i don't know?
The characteristic (s) you love of yourself is /are : Charmaine is very tolerant and sincere!
The characteristic (s) you hate of yourself is/ are : Charmaine is too soft hearted
The most ideal person you want to be is : a better me :)
For people that care and like you, say something to them : You guys mean a lot to me!

Pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you (you don't have to if you don't wanna!):
1) ClareEe
2) Matthewee
3) KohKaiLing
4) Jesley
5) Juian
6) Atikah
7) SheilaEng
8) CalistaSoh
9) Maryam
10) Yanty

Who is No. 6 having a relationship with? I don't know the name!
No. 9 a female or male? Female!
If No. 7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing? Nah.
How about No. 8 and 5? Nah. Impossible
What is No.2 studying about? Haha sec4 stuff.
When was the last time you had a chat with No. 3? today!
What kind of songs does No. 8 like? Christian songs
Does No. 1 has any siblings? Yup
Will you woo No. 3? NOPE
How about No. 7? NOPE
Is No. 4 single? Uh huh.
What's the surname of No. 5? shit i forgot :x juian don't kill me!
What's the name of No. 10? Yanty
What's the hobby of No. 4? laming around!
HAHA!Do No.5 and 9 get along well? yup :) both from floorball
Where is No. 2 studying at? St. Hilda's Seconday
Talk something casually about No. 1? She's my best friend :)
Have you tried developing feelings for No. 8? eh? she's a girl!
Where does No. 9 live at? i don't know!! :(
What colour does No. 4 likes? haha.. she likes too many things.
Are No. 5 and 1 best friends? they don't know each other!
Does No. 7 likes No. 2? they don't know each other!
How do you get to know No. 2? Secondary school :)
Does No. 1 have any pets? YUP
Is No. 7 the sexiest person in the world? HAHA SHE'S SO SKINNY! :X

okay enough.
PPCM HERE I COME!

study like whoa

2007-08-18T17:36:00.000+08:00

exam please end soon. i want to spend my holiday fruitfully before coming back for sem 1.2! it only seems like yesterday that i entered NP.

i can't wait for the exams to end. seriously i want to go out with KL, not go out and mug with KL. blahh. ohhh & i miss sec school life :) 4G/3B/2A/1A. both good and notsogood memories. don't want to elaborate, it's all in the past. let's just say i've matured. i think that during the past years, there were so many immature incidents that i felt was damn retarded.. and now they're *poof* gone. i'd rather rmb the happy things :)

2007-08-17T17:52:00.000+08:00

anecdotal record? running record?

i don't know what i really am, dumb or tyco. doubt it's the second. i had so much time to decide,
and in the end i stuck with my answer. i guess it's byebye to the A grade i hoped to grab back after that horribly done project.

it's time to drop it, and move on to the last paper.
i hope that i can do it :(

WHA

2007-08-16T13:24:00.000+08:00

I CANNOT STUDY AT HOME!

this is terrible. my grandmother is making so much noise! and the worse thing is that everyone is shouting at each other, and not noticing that i'm actually studying! okay, i don't mind if she does this when i don't have an exam (seriously, i can manage that already). but please, i have a fricking major exam tomorrow, and i'm trying my best to block out ALL THE DAMN NOISE you produce.

the saddest thing is that she keeps saying how smart my cousins are. the thing is, when they study, she doesn't even bother them! in fact, she even tell me how guai they are, and how they can sit upstairs to study. please lah.. you're the one that causes my environment to be anti-study ok. i can't freaking study with you around!

i need music, not noise.
even linkin park's music :(
and my laptop's officially taken by my brother.
screw it. this is just a temporary one for urgent use :(

bon voyage

2007-08-16T10:47:00.001+08:00

JESLEY i'll miss you! (: that stupid girl is leaving to Taiwan.
tempting me to stop studying and go on vacation NOW!

and just a random thing...
i realise that i just love my daddy so much :D

help.

2007-08-15T09:13:00.000+08:00

Jesus take the wheel. take my wheel please! Going to church tday, in the afternoon... without my family (they're going for the evening one). I just want to be alone. Nono, I'm not emo-ing and stuff okay. It's just that... I need peace & quiet.. and I just want to talk to God.

I've never been so reluctant to study smartly, but this time, all I'm thinking about is NOTHING. Which is terrible, really, especially when you have exams that are going to be at your tabletop in NP Blk 56 on Friday! Damn, it's like, 2 days more? I don't deny that my status is 'studying- in-progress', but the pace is not to my likeness.

And it has to be that CD module.

Every time I think about that module, it's negative ): from how my old group screwed up, to how my individual got pulled down (i keep blaming myself for not reading through the group assignment many times), to how the teacher stared at me and said "I expect a lot from you." RAHH! FP & CD is taught by the same teacher. You may think it's good, cause her expectations and guidelines will be about the same, and you won't have problems switching. But to me it's bad, cause I have been doing well for FP.

Okay enough whining from me, I gotta hit the notes already.
God bless me!

Solution to Friendster Virus(:

2007-08-14T22:08:00.000+08:00

Thanks to a bulletin on Friendster, I managed to get rid of the virus on my Friendster profile (: Just follow these simple steps! I know that a few people have this problem as well, so I hope that the following steps can help you! =D

1)Go to the Home page of your Friendster
2)Under My Tools, click Post Shoutout
3)Remove the strange looking weird text inside (Just delete everything)
4)At the top of the navigation, go to My Profile and click Edit Profile
5)Click the Customize tab and scroll to the Add Media textbox
6)Remove everything inside the textbox
7)Save it
8)Go back to your profile page, force refresh(CTRL+F5) it
9)If it displays correctly, you did it!

NEW LAYOUT

2007-08-14T12:22:00.000+08:00

this is a new start to everything (:
which also means, i gotta start studying for my exams.
char the oh studious one, please go back to your books now.
cause you spent the ~~whole freaking morning~~ doing this.

damn, i didn't say anything. u so didn't see that! ):
so ironic, i need to do well for CD exam,
but here am i playing with HTML language.

oh pouts. but i do admit i like this layout :D
so simple!!! wooot.

charmaine is terrible, she has poor time management.
freak shit. anyway, my friendster is STILL screwed :(

trouble trouble

2007-08-13T23:52:00.000+08:00

help me! my profile seems to have a problem!
only the background can be seen!

click here to save my life

please help me!
u can email me at mainemaiine@gmail.com
or u can just talk to me online.

please help okay!
thanks! =D

i love you

2007-08-11T23:04:00.000+08:00

thank you KL.
thanks for being here for me...
love you.

seriously

2007-08-11T22:23:00.000+08:00

seriously... how could you do this to me.
it hit me so hard.. and now i really am super hurt.
i'm telling myself not to cry..
cause this time i really don't want to
show my weak side to anyone anymore.

ya i fucking do

2007-08-11T14:59:00.001+08:00

WARNING: DON'T ASSUME WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT. I MEAN IT

I FUCKING DETEST YOU ALL.
YES. THE FOUR OF YOU.

tell me straight, tell me you don't want me here at all.
Tell me you NEVER wanted me in your lives.

I DARE YOU 4.

I fucking don't care if you hurl abuses at me for being a lousy friend who was never there, cause my conscience has ALWAYS been clear. I cared, but you never cherished it at all. Tell me in the face that I'm hard to mix around with, and I won't cry in front of you 4, cause I'm not hard to mix around with, it's because you still keep past rumors & beliefs about me in your fucking thick heads. You never cared about seeing the real me.

Tell me I used to posed like one of you, and I won't shout back. Instead, I'd laugh.. cause i was NEVER like her. The ones who really love and care for me will know that I am my original self, and not like HER, cause I don't need to be anything like her.

I feel better after letting all these out. I will not edit this post... I will just be honest and to the point.. This time, I really will be.

I'm ready to face the critics.
Oh, and anonymous comments
will be deleted.

FINAL WARNING: PLEASE DON'T ASSUME

everything

2007-08-09T12:36:00.000+08:00

everything don't see eye to eye with char.
everything char sees, she gets angry, pissed & offended.
2 years ago, at this point in time, i was fuming mad,
was damn sad, and super disappointed.
SOMEWHAT related to the same topic too.

so scary, it seems like history is repeating itself again.
maybe 12th August 2007 wld be awesome?
i hope it will be... then it'll be really history repeating itself.

ohmygosh... im contradicting myself.
"history repeating itself" said twice in two different viewpoints.
oh bite me! char has gone crazy.

i realise

2007-08-06T12:06:00.000+08:00

i realise that i've missed 1 week of floorball..
and i definitely must say that miss it..
and of course i miss the people!
thank you maryam for the saying those words,
they sorta made me feel better :)

maybe they werent even true friends to begin with...
so why should even bother? they seem great without me too.

do you even care?

2007-08-06T10:23:00.001+08:00

last night was fucking miserable.
you guys don't even bother abt my existence.
you people don't even care, or maybe,
you don't even bother..
and you've all been just pretending.

i'm ready for the worse...
and to think she didn't get the hint from him.
or maybe, he didn't even hint anything.

tell and hint are 2 totally different things.
damn, i just feel like hiding under my blanket & not come out for the day.

fucking results.

2007-08-03T11:16:00.000+08:00

results are like shit. Goodbye to dip with merit.

charmaine cannot make it anymore. it's really such a hopeless case. i need to get full marks for the test to get B+ for this module. why? cause of my group component. I did well for my indiv. the rest i can make it.. but not this one.. it pulled everything down already.

thanks mum & dad. i love you two a lot. thank you Sheila for trying to cheer me up. thank you FP reflection paper for trying to cheer me up.. thank you IT test for trying to cheer me up.

it's not that I'm a perfectionist.. it's that I did my best and I really try. i tried my best to do well for everything. i really really did put in effort. even if i do well for the rest, it'll be like -damn- ugly on academic report. i want to cry u know.

until I get my self esteem & motivation back, I really don't know what to do.

happy birthday cheo.

it was all a fake.

2007-08-02T11:20:00.000+08:00

[due to some unforeseen circumstances, i have deleted some parts of this post. what you see now isn't everything i feel like typing.]

you didn't even bother to ask, and if you think that i don't care, you're wrong. maybe you never cherished my company, or maybe, like what you said before, i'm really different from you.

you know, when i see your face, and when i say hi but you don't even sound sincere when you reply.. it really hurts? you don't know how much courage it takes to get over every single shit that happened before?

it's been a long time since i blogged about something sad... boo!

too shagged

2007-08-01T23:30:00.000+08:00

the result of chionging too much projects and sleeeping too late is simply.. u just hate everything else except sleep and your loved ones. even the slightest things can leave u paranoid and irritated and frustrated!

i think the best thing to do tomorrow is to spend as much time as i can AT HOME. i seriously need to recuperate :X and i hate being sick too! :(

and i can't believe that i've got 1 more assignment and 2 exams coming up... then it'll be the vacation!! =D

hip hop jelly & the last of the hot stuff

2007-07-30T20:53:00.000+08:00

on a sunday, when we all go to church, pray & stay happy.. dad decided to have some fun too!

okay! so apparently daddy's decided to play with my brother's DS while waiting for our char kuay teow!

okay.. even when he's driving, he insists on playing! haha just joking, we're all waiting for my dearest sister who went for the OSIM triathlon. okay, she didn't take part in the running+swimming+biking thing (duh). she went there to perform! =)

this is what happen when daddy plays game and mummy decided to ignore him and is reading the newspaper! hmmm.

i think he's attacking the pokemon instead of his attacking the enemies. how dramatic!

- no comments -

well, today's our last S&W.. and duh i passed HAHA. don't want to end up failing or something! and.. it's sort of byebye to 'HotStuff'. Today was horrible, my sports shoes turned all brown and muddy, and now i don't know if i can even go for floorball tomorrow! and Charmaine can't sleep early tonight :( she gotta chiong her FP project! i can't wait for all the projects to be completed, so we can study for the exam & GO FOR OUR HOLIDAY!

okay.. relaxing time's up! & before I forget, i can't believe that tmr's my last attachment for the semester. time really flew so fast ar :(

owell! byebye(:

officially pissed

2007-07-27T11:06:00.000+08:00

charmaine is officially pissed by you
i've been tolerating your arrogance
and the way you always want things your way
since school started.

please stop trying to be so fake..
did you know, you're more of a nuisance than someone
who knows everything about it?

i only met you this year..
and i really don't know if i can tolerate you for the next 3 years.
oh and i don't need your sympathy

that's it. it's the LAST call

2007-07-25T22:14:00.001+08:00

2230. the last time i'm going to say "Charmaine is going to start on her FP individual assignment" and really mean it. YES i must mean it, i'm suppose to! So yeah, at 10.30pm i'm going to START my work! =x and i can't believe that i have to miss floorball tomorrow cause i got PROJECTS. Oh, and the exams are coming -sobs-

tomorrow is the official FP group project chionging session! confirm can lah! bahahaha. anyways, today was rather meaningful, esp in the evening. it's been 3 years since he passed on, and 3 years since i ended up in the hospital. went to the church for his commemoration mass.

i hope all goes well tomorrow!

you know that it's so crazy?

2007-07-20T21:59:00.000+08:00

first of all, happy sweet 16 woman. stay happy always.

secondly, lessons were quite boring today. maybe it's cause i'm too tired.. and spent most of the time daydreaming.

thirdly, finished half blood prince in 3 days. actually, if you cramp all the hours i took to read, it'll be only about 1 day.

fourthly, doctor tmr, then going down to marine parade to get the 7th book & buy some stuff. i hope my mother won't back out at the last minute. like i always said, i hate it.. i really hate it when people back out. sounds familiar?

fifthly, Juliana made us do something today that made me reflect a lot! Well, it's about self-esteem. Turn out it's one of the most important section to study for our CD exam. well, she made us write down 3 things we felt we lack confidence in, and 3 things (more if we could) we felt we excelled in. you know.. it took me super super long to even think of a few stuff to write down. that shows you how drained & tired i am. and even worse, i hate facing all these reality check shits when i'm not ready.

lastly, Charmaine loves floorball. it's smth I can smile about. Really hoping that we'll all excel together as a team! Good play yesterday everyone :) it'll all turn out well, i just know it!

an eyeopener

2007-07-19T23:48:00.000+08:00

sry for the lack in updates! anyway, this will be a pretty short post, as i gotta go and wash up & stuff! rly tired and all, but it was all worth it! (:

we played against RP today. well, we lost 7(6?)-4.. which was quite shocking cause it was our (jrs) first friendly ever (i thought we would get -trashed- as in literally). pushed over twice, wasn't exactly tt bad.. it was a challenge! but i realise that i seriously hate playing in aircon halls now. though it's not v sweaty/hot/stuffy etc.. it's damn DRY/hard to breathe etc. The seniors were great, kudos to 'em (: floorball's getting really great & just like Juian said just now.. she thought she wld regret stayin in floorball.. but that was in the past and I agreed as well! (well, we both have a similar situation but what the heck) it's really great to have a bunch of friends like you guys! =D we'll strive with what we have!

CAM-WHORING with friends was great! after the match, we started to tk photos using Juian's phone.. & we really went crazy. 7-11ed before going back to woodlands mrt, and yes it was a SUPER long ride for me home.

sadly, i'm lazy to upload photos so yah!

you see how much things have changed now? sometimes you should just reflect on your actions.. maybe then you'll realise how much hurt you've inflicted on me.

thank God for happy times. i'd better go take my long awaited shower now!! =) can't wait to see 1A01 tmr! take care everyone and have a pleasant week ahead! and oh my oh my August the 12th is coming really soon!

sorry

2007-07-16T17:55:00.000+08:00

sorry for the late post. sorry yanty and sharon chan for not replying your tags on the tagboard. i've decided to close my tagboard, and it seems like no one bothers to tag though they visit. stupid right, so i shld just close it down. when i don't have a tagboard people make noise, and when i do have one, people don't bother! so why bother..

maybe i should close this blog too.

even if i want to clarify things with her, i see no point in doing so already. it seems like she's gone on with life! so yah.. i don't feel like giving a fuck about it anymore. unless she proves to me that she even cares a single bit about it.

charmaine is fed up with everything..
i wanna move on but i can't ):

the only things on the bright side:
- i've got matt & kl
- 7th book coming out soon

STARburst

2007-07-13T10:26:00.001+08:00

This is the bestest sweet ever! :)
Chewy chewy stuff!

tagboard

2007-07-12T10:27:00.000+08:00

my tagboard's up again so feel free to tag!

23months

2007-07-12T10:05:00.000+08:00

23 months

i'm proud to say that i've benefited loads from the past 23 months! and i'm even more proud to say that i love matt (: i rarely do all these publicizing when it comes to lovey-dovey stuff, only once a month! LOL. on the 12th of every month, all these will definitely be here. HAHA!

accompanying my grandmother to the interchange later, meeting KL after that! Thursdays are great, they are therapeutic and i can get the rest i want! well, only that there is floorball in the evening! but i don't mind that either =D

Busy Char!

2007-07-11T20:57:00.000+08:00

I've been busy! Finally completed my CDEV project =) Thanks to Sarah, Calista, Li Yun & Kamariah for being such great group members! Couple of tests and projects coming right up.. and I have till tomorrow to relax, cause on Friday, the next project (could be 2 projects) assignment briefing will be held! I wish I had more time to relax ):

I can't wait to watch Order of the Phoenix!
&
I can't wait to read the last and final installment of Harry Potter!

2007-07-09T09:52:00.000+08:00

this is a post without a title. sometimes, nameless is always the best option.

i enjoyed my time with Yanty, Killa, Maryam & Zurin at the floorball match today. well, we didn't rly talk much, but yeah.. we still met up.

but all i can say is.. i really love my brother(: he bothered to come, to keep me company. he even promised he would, and when he got a little bored during the game he still hung on. (well, i'm not surprised cause he's still young). in the end, he gave and i took, i took and he gave. we went off after 1/3 of the second match (he lasted through one okay!).. and we went to play at the arcade.

i guess, all he wanted to see how a real game was like, instead of seeing his dearest sister miserably playing with the floorball alone. haha i just love him lah (:

did you even remember to tell me if you could turn up...?
i even tried to call.. and call and call and call...

i got a new nickname..

2007-07-04T16:59:00.000+08:00

charmaineelizabethtanshuyun has a new nickname, and it's given to me by sheilaengcherxin. i'm proud to announce, the new nickname of char's!

the name is... charmo! i know that Sheilo is happy cause I'm posting about this. it's like, the whole of our row during CDEV lecture has such a nickname.. and Sheila's damn ecstatic about it.

anyway.. did you know that today's the 185th day of the year? this means, there's 175 days more to xmas! i'm looking forward to christmas! cause, xmas' the day that i can get my new phone plus new contract (starhub most probably cause i love the 1000 free sms to anyone. sadly, M1 is eating some of my friend's money so yeah!)

i should start to love life more :)
and of course, i love God!

i'll blog some other time so seeeeya!

it doesn't matter =)

2007-07-04T12:17:00.000+08:00

I MET THE BOYFRIEND YESTERDAY ((: that makes Char very happy cause he promised and it came true! well, I hope that he's okay and didn't get scolding, cause he didn't call me after he left/after his tuition etc.

Went for floorball but I didn't train! Thanks to all the BLISTERS i got during touch rugby on Monday! Nvm, at least I managed to see and get some tips =) And anyhow.. I had bonding session with Zurin & Yanty yesterday!! Really nice girls. Well, I hope my skills haven't deteriorated.. so when I play on Thursday, things won't be that bad!

Reminder to Char: Be in school tmr at 10am for IT test on MS Access

And Sheila asks me to write this now (cause apparently, i don't have anything else to write!)

- Sheila is only my left & Sheryl is on my right

nice one girl -.-

oh and i got 28.5/30 for my PPCM test and i still feel depressed ): i'm not hao-lianing, but i didn't expect to lose out 1.5 marks. I thought i'd lost only like.. 1 mark or something cause of that question.

on the good side.. im more motivated to do even better! cheers to motivations =)

Excuses

2007-07-02T22:11:00.000+08:00

i'm tired of excuses :(
i want to write a letter to you, but it's impossible now!
so much has changed, and fuck, it sucks :(

I'm happier?

2007-07-02T13:54:00.000+08:00

full marks for that test..
and time's flying fast..
surprising but true!

watched first daughter in school during the break.. the ending sucks cause in the end they couldn't be together.. i'm always like this when it comes to the ending of these kinda movies.

very soon, i can go back and take a well deserved break.. and i guess, i'm feeling a lil bit better!

mainemaine = sighsigh

2007-07-01T22:15:00.000+08:00

Sorry boyfriend, its not easy to smile when we want to spend time together but we can't. i just wish i could smile, and pretend nth is happening. Sorry boyfriend, its not easy to hold back my tears when you want to show me more love but you can't. i just wish i could laugh, and pretend nth is happening.

God, i love you... please take the wheel. I don't want to crash, and i know i won't cause you're here.

I need more assurance, and i need to hold on.. i might be going nuts already, with tons of assignments and the long hours in school and the desire to excel but unsure of my potential.

I have a test tomorrow, and I pray that I can rmb all that I've studied... it's His will. I don't want to break down in school tomorrow, and this I pray real hard, that I won't do so.

I imagine us holding hands and walking down the beach...
When can this ever happen?

My family's driving me nuts and they really cant understand whatever i'm going through & they really pisses me off big time - almost every other day. The thought of having to pull through this without anyone really sucks. Nevertheless, I'm going to do my best to stay optimistic like I told myself to 2 years ago.

I was aware that this would happen if i took his hand and walk beside him.. so now I tell myself, I won't give up, I'll pull through.. or at least put in all that I can to do so...

Before Charr really studies..

2007-06-30T14:11:00.000+08:00

Oh great. I'm suppose to have started on my work since 12pm, but I haven't been focusing! Depressing shit. It's the last day SG has 5% GST! Tomorrow, it's going to be 7%. AND.. paying via Nets would be more expensive so screw it mann! Seriously. I don't work, and you want me to pay more ): Boohoohoo!!

I'm super depressed cause Belinda said that almost everyone's project was badly done ): We did put in the effort, and I really hope that we didn't misinterpret anything lah. I am super super worried okay! I really hope that I won't end up....... failing & repeating stuff.

I need a way to destress. The most depressing thing is... the second half of the semester has just begun.. oh gosh kill me ):

and now i gotta go back to studying *pouts*

charmainee is very bored

2007-06-29T12:04:00.000+08:00

IT lesson's the worse this semester. Out of all the modules beat it, even Play & Motor! But I'll be nice and bear with it :* I hope. Thank you Siti Nadiah for giving me positive peer pressure! Damn, life really sucks when you don't like the way the lecturer teach!

I hope lesson ends soon, cause Charmainee's hungry!
I wanna eat Fish N' Chips!!

I'll blog more when I reach home!! =D